i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
