I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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