so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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