she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
