That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
