I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize