Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
