shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
