just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
