Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
