His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
