Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
