i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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