Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
