I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
