worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
