His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
