my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
