Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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