remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
