dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
