I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
