dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
