This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize