I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
