don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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