I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
