I feel great
I just peed on a car
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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