White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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