Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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