i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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