Those balls look pretty dangerous.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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