1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
