Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
