We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
