I wish I only lived at night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
