who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
time to smoke my breakfast
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
