that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
