do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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