dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
