i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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