I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
