oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
