Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
did you just send me my own nude
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
