yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
