if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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