i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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