Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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