Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
