hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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