i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
