trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
