Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
