I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
my liver is dry heaving
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
