Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
