oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
