Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
