I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize