he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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