Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize