im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
do herpes really smell.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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