Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
