we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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