I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
