can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
